Month: February 2017

Boundaries: Difference between a “Burden” and a “Load”

I am reading the book by Henry Cloud titled, “Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to say No”.  I am currently reading in Chapter two and think that he makes a great point on the distinction between burdens and loads.  These words are both used by the Apostle Paul in the book of Galatians when giving instructions to the church on doing good to all.

Galatians 6:2- Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Galatians 6:5- for each one should carry their own load.

For many in the church these two verses can be very confusing in terms of where personal responsibility begins and ends, compared to how we serve others.  I have struggled myself knowing when to step in and help someone or if they are being irresponsible.  The author brings great distinction and insight into these verses:

The Greek word for burden means “excess burdens,” or burdens that are so heavy that they weigh us down.  These burdens are like boulders.  They can crush us. We shouldn’t be expected to carry a boulder by ourselves!  It would break our backs.  We need help with the boulders- those times of crisis and tragedy in our lives.

In contrast, the Greek word for load means “cargo,” or “the burden of daily toil.”  This word describes the everyday things we all need to do.  These loads are like knapsacks. Knapsacks are possible to carry.  We are expected to carry our own.  We are expected to deal with our own feelings, attitudes, and behaviors, as well as the responsibilities God has given to each one of us,  even though it takes effort.

Problems arise when people act as if their “boulders” are daily loads, and refuse help, or as if their “daily loads” are boulders they shouldn’t have to carry.  The results of these two instances are either perpetual pain or irresponsibility. (Page 30)

The best application I can think of is to be clear about the things that truly are our responsibility to own.  The rest of the chapter gives further insight into what’s on that list: Feelings, Attitudes & Beliefs, Behaviors, Choices, Values, Limits, Talents, Thoughts, Desires, and Love.  May God continue to help us know this distinction!

Reaching Out and Reaching Back

As a Pastor, a lot of my job is just checking in with people to see how they are doing.  Yes, the sermons take quite a bit of time to develop, the calendar seems endless with activities to be planned, and meetings are a necessary evil.  But my main “job” is people development.

North Creek’s mission is to “lead people into a growing relationship with Jesus”.  This means staying in contact with people and asking how things are going.  It’s emailing, texting, calling, sitting over a cup of coffee, etc. asking about the specifics in their everyday life.

I’ve been doing just that for the last 29 years.  I starting when I was a Jr. in High School volunteering in the New Person Ministry.  We had an entire strategy for welcoming students who were new to our Youth Ministry.  We sent them a welcome letter, followed up with a visit to their home where we dropped off a candy bar, followed that up with a phone call, and then helped them connect in a small group.  The benefit from being involved in this kind of ministry is two fold: I knew everyone’s name, and I knew their story.

Now that I look back on countless connections with people over the years, I’ve come to realize a few things about people.  While every person appreciates when someone reaches out and cares for them, I’ve also realized that seldom do people reach back.  This has been quite the phenomenon in my life!  I am a firm believer in the principle of sowing and reaping…meaning that whatever you sow in your life, you will also reap.  You would think that with as much effort that goes out in connection and care, that much would come back.  Unfortunately, this has not been my experience. I will admit that I have had long seasons when I had no one asking me, “Pastor, how are YOU doing?” I have questioned many times whether I am making an impact in people or whether they really like me or not.

I think one of the reasons this is true is that we have a hard time seeing past ourselves.  Our lives can become like a bubble.  Every problem we face, pressure we feel, pain we experience, consumes our little bubble.  Our focus is spent on dealing with OUR stuff.

When a friend reaches out and expresses care for us, we are so glad they are present in our lives with encouragement.  This SHOULD happen.  We SHOULD allow others to care for our lives.  But there also needs to come a point when we set our problems aside and see other people; see what they are dealing with.  Give Back!

Especially the ones who have already demonstrated to you that they care about your life.

  • The ones who have taken the time to write a note to you
  • The ones who call you often to see how you are doing
  • The ones who invite you over and share a meal with you
  • The ones who partner with you in carrying your burden

We are called to REACH OUT to ALL people that God puts in our life.  Let’s make sure we are also REACHING BACK to those who are constantly encouraging you.  Lately, I’ve been paying attention to those who are showing up in my life.  I have been intentional to make my presence known in their lives as well because I want them in my life for years to come.

Take a moment and think about the people in your life who consistently reach out to you with encouragement

Take another moment and write them a note back, buy them a cup of coffee, send them a text letting them know that today you are thinking about THEM and they are on YOUR prayer list.

If no one comes to mind, let me be the one to encourage you…

“My friend, God loves you and has a plan for your life.  You were made in His image and he calls you his son/daughter.  Whatever you are going through won’t last forever; the sun will emerge again and the clouds will depart.  He knows how to work all things for the good in your life and make beauty for ashes.  Don’t quit! Stay close to Him! You are loved!  You are valuable!  You matter to God!  I’m praying for you!“